The end is near...

As I look back on the past eight weeks, I realize that I have learned far more about communication, culture, and cyberspace than I expected when I registered for this course. When I first saw the class description, I was excited to find a class that focused on something that I use in my daily life and interested what I could possibly learn. I am happy to say this class far exceeded my expectations and it is probably one of my favorite classes I have taken so far. Not only did I get to participate in really interesting projects, this class really made me think about my interactions online and evaluate myself. This wasn’t a class that I learned something that I will never use again, but one that gave me perspectives to look at that I had never considered before!

I was really pleased with all of the blog assignments and found that each really made me examine my internet usage in different ways. My favorite project (and least favorite as well) was in Week One where we had to abstain from the internet. I never realized just how much I rely on the internet until I had to do without and while I appreciate now what I learned from the experience, I admit I was annoyed with this project at the time since it was so hard for me to do! I learned that I do use the internet TOO often and it does keep me from doing other things I enjoy and aids me in wasting time “surfing the web”, since this experience, I have really tried to limit my internet usage some and enjoy real life more!

While abstaining was the favorite project for me, I think each project was useful and really made me think about the material we read for the week and apply it to myself. Week two, I rented You’ve Got Mail and it really made me think about the ways we perceive each other online versus in real life. Week three made me evaluate how I portray myself on Facebook and how what I say, or don’t say, reveals about me. This really made me think about how I am cautious about what I do write on Facebook because of the audience and knowing that most of my friends are people I interact with often. Week Four was a great experience because I never had thought much about the difference in snail mail versus e-mail and how the person receiving the letter may put much more value in a handwritten letter rather than a typed on. Week Five was great because I got to meet new people and see how I portray myself in an anonymous setting, this also showed me the world of message boards and from that I have met some great people and talked to others who have the same interests as myself, even today I still keep up with my postings on these boards! Week six showed me that even though people may fit into the “older” generation, that doesn’t mean they don’t keep up with and use new technology and find it useful, where some younger people have little to no use for it. Week seven gave me the opportunity to choose a personal experience and share with others how online communication can be misinterpreted or taken out of context. Each week gave me a new challenge, yet taught me something or made me think about these things in a different light than usual. I also found it interesting how people in society perceive the internet and interact online, in some ways the internet as a whole is like one huge community. I can honestly say that I would not change any of the blog topics, that each was valuable in its own way.

I found the Wood & Smith readings to be interesting and well presented; I found it to be an easy read and something that wasn’t too dry or boring (unlike many other texts). I had more trouble with the Postman readings because it was something so different than what I am used to hearing and made me really think in a completely different way. I had never thought about how technology could actually be a burden or negative aspect of society and Postman really made me think about this. While Postman was a harder read for me, I think it was very thought-provoking and really gave me a lot to think about.

I honestly cannot think of anything negative with this course, the only changes I could ask for would be if it was a 10 week course, I would love to have had an opportunity to participate in more online experiences… The one thing I can say is that if there were a second part to this class, I would register for it immediately!

Miscommunication in Cyberspace

I assumed this assignment would be the easiest since it gave me the opportunity to write about any experience I have, but I found that choosing something that happened to me in my personal life opposed to the projects assigned for the class is a little harder to write about. I guess this is because I don’t like giving out too much information about myself online, but want to share an experience where I really think communicating via e-mail caused more harm than good. After reading Chapter 8 this week in Wood & Smith, I realize the vast numbers of people who are connected to the internet and wonder how many instances of miscommunication there happen on a daily basis. How often are friendships ruined? Words taken out of context? E-mail’s sent to the wrong person by mistake? My own experience reflects on why sometimes the internet gives us the ability to talk to people, who may not want to hear from you…

A few weeks ago I logged onto my Myspace account, something I rarely ever do any longer since I became obsessed with Facebook, but I decided to poke around a little and see what I could find. What I found was my ex-boyfriend’s profile which made me start thinking about mending fences and doing something I had wanted to do for years…saying sorry. Yes, I know, it may seem corny and dumb to many…I am a person who lives for today and for the future, but I am also someone who can reflect on my past and realize the mistakes I have made and this is one that stands out in my mind as a time when I treated someone poorly and for that I truly feel bad. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel bad because I think the decision for us to break up was a bad one and I want to get back together with him…I have been happily married for nearly 9 years and have three children I adore, but I just wanted to say hello and apologize for how I treated him. Before anything, I talked to my husband and make sure this wouldn’t upset him and being the easygoing and trusting husband he is, he told me to go ahead, although he did warn he wasn’t sure it would be well received. I should have listened to his advice!

I won’t go into many details about the relationship, but this ex (I will call him Brandon) and I were very good friends for years before we started dating, we dated for about a year before I realized that he was a wonderful friend, but we just didn’t have enough in common to stay together and broke up. Like all breakups, even though we had promised to remain friends, he ended up hating me for dating someone he was friends with (whom I ended up marrying) and we never spoke again. This all happened almost 10 years ago, so I assumed that it was all water under the bridge, that it had been long enough past that hard feelings were gone and we had moved on…

I sent a message to Brandon on Myspace, it was a very short message saying hello, asking about him and apologizing for what I had done in the past. I told him that I would understand if he didn’t want to write back, but I was hoping we could put all of that in the past and find out how life was treating him, afterall, we had been friends for a long time before everything happened. I received a response the next day, but honestly it didn’t say very much…just that he was having a good life and we were young and stupid and the past is the past. I took this as an opening to write back, which I did just to tell him I was happy for him and glad things worked out well in his life. I thought that would be the end of the correspondence, I didn’t want much else, I had just wanted to say hello after all of the years so if we did run into each other it wouldn’t be awkward. BUT, I received another response and this one wasn’t as nice, telling me how it was wrong of me to write after all of these years and how what I did was terrible and how I probably never even felt sorry for it! I was shocked since the entire purpose of the letter was to show him that I do feel bad…needless to say, I decided it was best not to respond and to leave things alone.

I think this situation show miscommunication on many parts. First, he obviously did not take my apology seriously which makes me think that sending him a message probably was not the best way to do this. I think if we had met face to face, maybe he would have been able to see in my expression and hear in my voice how sincere I really was and maybe have had another reaction to my words. Second, I misunderstood Brandon’s first message, thinking he was opening up the lines of communication for us to talk again when he obviously was not, so somewhere in his message he conveyed to me that he wasn’t angry and was able to leave things in the past and move on. I’m sure if we had met in person, I would have been able to tell that he was still angry and not attempt to initiate any more conversation like I ended up doing through online communication. Third, I think I felt a sense of security knowing I was communicating with him online. I wonder if I had seen him walking down the street, if I would have had the courage to walk up and say the same things or if I would have walked the other way, being too embarrassed of the situation? Maybe some things are best left unsaid.

Three Generations of the Internet

For this assignment, I interviewed my best friend, Crystal (age 30) for my “young” generation, my mother, Lou Ann (age 49) for my “middle” generation and my father-in-law, John (age 61) for my “old” generation. I was surprised by the results I found, I assumed before doing this project that internet usage would decrease with age, but didn’t find that to be completely true as you will read.

The common ground between all three people’s internet usage was that they all used e-mail as a source of communicating. I found Crystal (young generation) used the internet the most often, in addition to e-mail she used social networking sites, especially Facebook which, she uses quite often to stay in contact with friends and family. She also shops, pays bills and reads the news via the internet. Lou Ann (middle generation) said the only other reason she uses the internet is to search for vacations or look up topics she is interested in on search engines. Her internet usage is minimal. John (older generation) uses the internet daily at work to do research on products he uses. For personal use, he frequently shops online for the best deals and uses the internet to do a lot of his shopping. I found that he uses the internet fairly often for both work and personal use.

When asked how comfortable they were with using the internet for communicating with others, Crystal felt very comfortable since she constantly e-mails and “talks” to her friends via Facebook, the internet is even the way she met her husband, so communicating online is nothing new to her! John’s main internet communicating is done through e-mail at work, while he rarely e-mails for personal use, he does e-mail daily at work. Lou Ann did not feel comfortable with communicating on the internet, while she checks her e-mail and will occasionally send a note to someone or forward something of interest; it is not her preferred way to communicate with others.

Both Crystal and John felt the internet has changed their lives in some way. Crystal (young) felt that the internet is a very valuable resource but, that it has changed her life both for better and worse. Better because of the “ability to bank online and shop without having to deal with long lines and out of stock items and customer service people always bothering you” and worse because she has gotten so used to using social networking to communicate with others that she doesn’t go out as often and feels it “promotes laziness in an already obese society.” John (older generation) felt it changed his life for the better because it makes his job easier since he can find information so quickly and can communicate with his co-workers through e-mail which. He also thinks it saves him time in his personal life since he doesn’t have to shop in stores and can do it from home which is more convenient. Lou Ann (middle generation) did say that she thinks that the internet could be a great tool “if I knew how to use it”, but doesn’t think it has changed her life very much. While it makes it somewhat easier to search for things, she did not feel it would make an impact in her life if she did not have the internet any longer.

I was surprised to see that the older generation seemed more comfortable and used the internet more than the middle generation. I think a large part of this is due to the fact that my father-in-law uses the internet in his work and this has made him more familiar and comfortable with it, where my mother still doesn’t really understand what she can use the internet for (other than the basics). What I found very interesting is that my father-in-laws job is working with machinery, something I never thought would require the use of the internet, but ties in with the Wood & Smith reading “Increasingly, scholars of the “information economy” report that knowledge work is replacing industrial work” (page 147). I think that Crystal (younger generation) seems to be “typical” of the younger crowd who have grown up with the internet and it is almost a necessity in their everyday lives. Crystal said something I thought was very true about how when our children are old enough, the internet will have changed so much that it will be completely different than what we have learned. I find that true already, my oldest daughter (6 years old) uses the computer every day in school, it is one of the required activities that they have where they go to the computer lab and use educational software as an additional source of learning. Even at this young of an age, children are being exposed to the computer and it is commonplace to them.

The hardest part of this assignment for me was choosing what type of community to join. The only online communities I have been a part of in the past were ones that were for expecting moms, which I joined during each of my pregnancies (then no longer had time to participate in once I had a newborn in the house) or that had something to do with my children. I decided right away that I would join something that I was interested in that didn't involve my children. Since many of my interests and activities (and life in general) revolve around my kids, this was easier said than done. I found I liked the format of the message boards on iVillage and felt most comfortable joining a group of parents on a message board called “Reality TV Junkies”. I thought this was a good fit since I love reality shows and this assignment happened to fall around the time Big Brother 11 I thought it was a good choice to assimilate myself with others that were just as crazy about these shows as I was.

I spent a few days lurking on the board, taking the advice from Virginia Shea in our Wood & Smith reading, to “Lurk before you leap.” (page 135). I wanted to make sure it was a message board that I would feel comfortable posting on and that had people with similar interests as I did. I also wanted to find out how and where on the board people introduced themselves so I didn’t look like a complete newbie! I posted my introduction, told about myself and which reality TV shows were my favorites and expressed my excitement for the upcoming Big Brother season, I also mentioned that I loved the great “siggys” everyone had and asked how to get one. I had many people respond to my post to welcome me to the board and show me where to go to meet other Big Brother fans. I was also referred to some other message boards to find someone to make me a siggy, which I quickly did…afterall, everyone else had one! Once I was welcomed and had my custom signature so I felt like I “looked” like less of a newbie, I joined in conversations and posted my opinions and comments on the current topics. I felt like I was quickly accepted into the group because people responded to my posts, laughed at things I said and related to me as a person. I think what really made this group work so well is that while the main common interest was reality TV, they also had a section of the board where they talked about their personal lives, problems, other interests and tried to really get to know each other in other ways as well. I felt very comfortable posting and while there were many disagreements about topics, it was done in a respectful way that wasn’t negative. I also found that while many people like to find out “spoilers” (information about the show that can spoil the surprise or suspense) and post them, they had a section of the board just for this so others didn’t have to read them by mistake, I thought this was very considerate to the people who wanted to wait until the show aired to find out.

I think that joining this internet community showed me a lot about people and how they interact with others with common interests. I found that the majority use the same standards that are used in the real world and try to respect others, I think the netiquette rules found in the Wood & Smith text were followed on the message board I joined and it made it a very enjoyable experience for me. I plan to stay active on the Reality TV Junkies message board since I really enjoy the community and being able to talk to others with similar interests.

Also, I just wanted to share my message board signature since I was so happy with it and really felt it helped to make me a REAL person to the others on the board.

Snail Mail vs. E-mail...which is more personal?

When reading about this assignment, I was excited to have the chance to express my feelings to people who really impact my life. I love being able share my feelings with the people I love and feel that I am able to relay my true feelings more effectively through the written word. Choosing two people to write to was not very difficult since I chose THE two people who have had the biggest influence on my life.

First, I chose to send an e-mail to my Mom. I talk to my Mom on the phone multiple times throughout the day, so I knew that receiving a letter from me (regardless if it were via e-mail or long-hand) would be a surprise to her. I figured there is no one who could have had more of an impact on my life than the person who gave birth to me and who also happens to be my best friend. Although we talk daily, it is rarely about anything in-depth and is more about our daily activities and telling her about her grandchildren. Writing a note to her and thanking her for all that she has done for me, made me feel good and made me really appreciate this assignment for giving me an opportunity to do something I should have done anyways. I found that while the e-mail was not very long in length, I was able to say what I felt and get it to her quickly…she read it the following day (when she happened to be at my house visiting) and hugged me and told me how much I meant to her.

The second person I chose to write to is my husband, John. Initially I was going to e-mail him, but decided that it would have much more of an impact for him to receive “snail mail” from me. Needless to say, he was pretty surprised to find mail from a person he lives with and sees each day. I found this letter a little more difficult to write, I’m no longer used to sitting down with pen and paper…and then I had the difficult task of hunting for an envelope and stamp! This letter ended up being much longer in and I went into more detail and felt like I was conveying what I was feeling better than when I wrote the e-mail. Also, I feel that the handwritten letter was much more meaningful and personal to my husband and he was very pleased that I took the time and wrote him. Although I had hoped he would write back, he isn’t really one for writing and just told me how he felt through words instead. It really made for a great way for me to express my appreciation for someone who I take for granted many times.

In our Postman reading this week, he talks about the information glut and that there can be TOO much information out there, especially with the invention of new technologies. One example of this was the invention of the telegraph which, according to Postman “The telegraph removed space as the inevitable constraint on the movement of information, and, for the first time, transportation and communication were disengaged from each other.” (page 67). I think of this in relation to the invention of computer and the use of e-mail and see how this has, once again, drastically changed communication between people. Gone are the days that we sit down and write to people who may live far away from us, more likely than not, sending an e-mail is easier to do (how lazy have we become that finding paper, pen, envelope and stamp is a hardship?) and the message arrives instantly to the other person. While the use of e-mail does make things faster, are we losing something with the use of it? After this assignment, I realize that when sending e-mail instead of a written letter, we do lose something…to me; e-mail just seems much colder and maybe a little TOO easy. If you really want to convey a message to someone, a hand-written letter just seems so much more personal and shows you really put for the effort for that person.

Who I am...on Facebook

I was really happy about this assignment since I am an avid Facebook user. Although I do not fit into the “typical” user age range of 18-24 years old (I’m 29) you can find me on Facebook daily. Yes, I am one of those people that changes my “status” throughout the day so everyone can see what I am up to at all times, I add pictures all the time and use all the silly applications that are available! No, I do not think that anyone really cares about my daily activities, but I enjoy seeing what others are up to and like having that connection with people, so whom I may not see very often. I use Facebook to connect with friends, those I see daily and some who I have not seen in years. I love that I am able to post pictures of my family to share with everyone; using Facebook for this saves me time and is so much easier for me. I think that Facebook makes me feel like I have a closer connection to many friends who live far away and makes it so much more convenient to communicate with multiple people in one place.

I really enjoyed evaluating the way I portray myself through social networking. At first, I thought I wouldn’t learn much since I am constantly changing my status to reflect my daily life…but, I quickly noticed that I do not always reveal everything and often times only say things I think that will show me in the best light. Before I write things, I think about who is able to read what I write and take caution to only write what I want everyone to read. For instance, this week I was having a particularly bad and stressful day, if I had wanted to be completely accurate, I would have set my status to show: “Melissa is pulling out her hair and going crazy today. I wish this day would end.”, but instead I posted: “Melissa thinks this day is going very slow”. Why would I lie like this? The honest truth is that I don’t want to reveal to all of my “friends” that I have faults, that I get stressed out and annoyed and just want to sleep the rest of the day away. Instead, I want to portray myself in the best light possible, especially considering some of the people who can see that information are people I work for or that I see often, although I want people to know what I am up to, I don’t want to be 100% honest all the time.

After reading chapter 3 in Wood & Smith, I realize now that I am using self-presentation online “the process of setting forth an image we want others to perceive”, I think this is especially true since a large number of the people I have as “friends” on Facebook are people who I see and interact with often. In my case, I am not creating an online identity, but filtering what I say and do so that my online identity closely matches my real-life identity because this social network is not one where I am anonymous or where I am using a pseudonym, but it is just an extension of my real life. I think this is true for a lot of society that is on MySpace or Facebook since it seems like the majority of people are interacting with people they know and may even see on a day-to-day basis. I think social networking sites likes these do give us a small sense of anonymity, but not enough for us to try to break out of our “normal” mold or to have an identity much different than who we really are.

Online Identities in You've Got Mail

The movie “You’ve Got Mail” shows the interactions between two people Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) and Joe Fox (Tom Hanks) both in the internet and real world. Often times the Internet is a way for people to create new identities of themselves, much different to the way they act in real life, in this movie I think that neither Kathleen nor Joe tried to hide who they were in real life. Neither one tries to disguise they type of person they are and if anything, they were much more open and honest with each other about their thoughts and feeling through their online identities then they probably would have if they had initially met face-to-face. Both characters talk to each other about the little things in life, whatever is on their minds, they “talk” about. These little things give each insight into the other person without revealing any personal details, details that probably would not be talked about in real life, but make interesting conversation online.

I find it interesting that the personality that each person finds wonderful online, is something they hate in each other in real life. Kathleen feels the online Joe is wonderful, caring and considerate, but thinks the real-life Joe is arrogant, mean and rude. Joe thinks the online Kathleen is sweet and innocent but, thinks the real life Kathleen is annoying and naive. Without revealing personal details, Kathleen tells Joe her wish that she could say what comes to mind and have witty comebacks to her “enemy”. In response, Joe gives her tips and tells her not to hold back and to remember it is just business, nothing personal…neither one realizing that Joe is the enemy bookstore owner and Kathleen is the “pesky” independent bookstore owner. Kathleen in turn, uses Joe’s advice against him which turns into a battle between the two.

Once Joe realizes that it is Kathleen he is chatting with, he initially dismisses the relationship with her due to their real-life dilemmas. After talking to her more online and seeing her in real life and combining the two identities, he comes to respect and love her as a person and then uses both of his identities to make her realize she feels the same way.

Early in the movie, it shows both Kathleen and Joe going about their daily routine, thinking about the other but, not knowing how closely they come into contact each day. The movies shows them stopping for coffee at the same Starbucks within seconds of each other, passing by each other multiple times and working right around the corner from each other…never knowing that the person next to them is the one. While I don’t think this is the most common thing to happen, especially in a city as huge as New York, it is something that can happen. By keeping real and internet identities separate and not revealing personal details, you could be chatting with virtually anyone…your neighbor, your best friend, or in this case...your worst enemy!